Forgiveness Blows My Mind! God’s forgiveness of me, daily… as I muddle my way through this life. Sometimes having victory, sometimes not so much…
The forgiveness that is on my mind tonight is the forgiveness that God has planted deep in my heart for my ex-husband. I don’t know how it got there. God put it there. HSSH has never, to my recollection, since he walked out over three years ago asked for it.
I have Beth Moore’s Book, Praying God's Word. I believe that is where the forgiveness began for me. This is one book that I haven’t put back on the shelf… I go back to it over and over again. Praying.
If you have a copy, go to page 240, the heading says “Praying for the person you need to forgive”.
And there it begins.
I truly don’t believe I would feel like I do, if I had not learned to pray for HSSH. I wish I could read you the whole 4 pages Beth contributes to this topic in the book…
“After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before… The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first” (Job 42:10,12).
Because Job was willing to bless those who hurt them when his human nature would have been to curse them, God was liberated to open the floodgates of heaven and pour out blessings on his life. He will undoubtedly do the same thing for us. God will prosperous us when we’re willing to put our human inclinations on the altar and respond His way instead. Let’s not be afraid to do the hard thing. To this we were called. And we will inherit a blessing.”
I don’t know why, but I believed this when I read it. And it was hard. hard. hard the first 50 or so times I prayed for him in the way the book suggests. I wanted to be angry and wish curses on him for all he had done to me and my kids. For leaving me with all this responsibility and all these burdens.
Beth ends the section, right before she gives verses to pray, with this…
“Will the person you’re praying for change? Will they receive the blessing you’ve mustered all the courage to ask God for? Maybe. Maybe not. That’s up to them. But will your heart change, will you find freedom to forgive, and will you receive blessing? Absolutely! Take God at His Word and find out. Please use the Scriptures that apply to your situation, then seek out your own from God’s Word and pray earnestly! I’m not sure God ever honors a prayer more than the one that was hardest for us to pray.”
I am very sad to say that as of yet, I have not seen any change in HSSH because of my prayers. I did have a civil phone conversation with him last week… a crumb in the grand canyon of the problem… but no change that my eyes have seen… yet.
But, the change in me. That’s been very amazing. Now, when I hear anyone speak against HSSH for what he has done, my heart hurts for the person speaking it. When I hear someone doubting God’s ability to work in a heart that is so far strayed. My heart hurts for them. Being angry at HSSH for this doesn't help anyone, it sure has never made me feel any better about the situation.
Have you read the book The Shack? I’ve read it twice now. I know some people don’t like it. I read some negative comments of it, and had to go re-read it again… it’s deep. It touches me. I don’t know. I don’t have an issue with it… anyway… the end of the book. The main character Mack, dealing with forgiveness for the man who murdered his daughter…
“Papa simply let the torrent rush out of Mack, waiting for the wave to pass..
‘Mack, for you to forgive this man is for you to release him to me and allow me to redeem him.’
‘Redeem him!’ Again, Mack felt the fire of anger and hurt. ‘I don’t want you to redeem him! I want you to hurt him, to punish him, to put him in hell…’ His voice trailed off.
Papa waited patiently for the emotions to ease.
‘I’m stuck, Papa. I just can’t forget what he did, can I?’ Mack implored.
‘Forgiveness is not about forgetting, Mack. It is about letting go of another person’s throat.’
‘But I thought you forget our sins?’
‘Mack, I am God. I forget nothing. I know everything. So forgetting for me is the choice to limit myself. Son,’ Papa’s voice got quiet and Mack looked up at him, directly into his deep brown eyes, ‘because of Jesus, there is now no law demanding that I bring your sins back to mind. They are gone when it comes to you and me, and they run no interference in our relationship.’
‘But this man…’
‘He too is my son. I want to redeem him.’
‘So what then? I just forgive him and everything is okay,and we become buddies?’ Mack stated softly but sarcastically…’I don’t think I can do this,’
‘I want you to. Forgiveness is first for you, the forgiver,” answered Papa, ‘to release you from something that will eat you alive; that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly…’
‘So forgiveness does not require me to pretend what he did never happened?’
‘How can you? You forgave your dad last night. Will you ever forget what he did to you?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘But now you can love him in the face of it. His change allows for that. Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation. And sometimes—and this may seem incomprehensible to you right now—that road may even take you to the miracle of fully restored trust.’”
Forgiveness isn’t easy. Especially when the person that you are forgiving isn’t changing. Isn't asking for it. Doesn’t appear to even care. Forgiveness is something that I have had to practice daily… some days hourly.
God has been faithful to give the grace to do it. Some times taking more time than others… but so far. So good.
My kids… I hope they understand. I can’t forgive for them. They have to do it themselves. They have been told it is not a one time thing… but I don’t know if they really understand.
I pray that they do.
I pray that one day, HSSH will confess and repent for what he has said and done… and not done… and a bridge to reconciliation can be built for each of us.
Soon, Lord. Soon.
Pam
Originally Published on You're Gonna Miss This, February 18, 2009.
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