Face to face with my weakness… again.

,,,self reliance… pride… human strength… the desire to be right… perfectionism… 

My enemies.

I am at my best when I am on my face.

Odd statement?

I am.

It would be nice if I would willingly stay on my face.

Too bad, I have to fall there instead… most of the time.

Last night I got a new book to go with the Bible Study that myself and two friends decided to do together. 

The book is called Set My Heart On Fire by Catherine Martin.  The three of us are joining, Mid-Morning on WBCL, as they do a 5 week study of this book.  The author, Catherine Martin, is joining them every Wednesday morning.  Yesterday was week 2.  We are listening to the shows on the WBCL website, Archives of past shows.  Anyone of you can join in this study.  Very awesome!

The Holy Spirit didn’t waste any time speaking to me about the areas that I have let my flesh take back over in. 

….relying on my own strength....

...Spiritual pride...

...hating admitting I am wrong... ever.... ever...

...the desire for perfection... in myself first off...

I'm not stupid.  I am just forgetful.  Short term memory loss... Right, Dorie?? 

I like to tell God, "okay, thanks for getting me back up again... I'll just take it from here... thanks, though... You're Great...I praise You for getting me up again... see ya..." (next time I fall flat on my face)... tomorrow...

In the second day of the book, Catherine quotes Charles Spurgeon in the devotional, Morning and Evening.

"God will not go forth with that man who marches in his own strength"

By nature I am a strong person.  I am a strong person.  I have always been a strong person.  Just ask my parents.  I don't believe any of their daughters were as "strong-willed" as me.  I've made so many choices that had consequences that were hard,  mostly from being so strong in my own ideas and thoughts.

Cringing as I remember, cringing as I see these traits in my own children...

The down-fall of being a strong person is that it takes strong winds to bring them to places of repentance. 

I'll spare myself (and you) the agony of all the past examples...

This morning I wonder, is the length of this current trial as much about getting me to let God be my strength, as it is anything else?  Most likely.  Do I like that realization?  Not at all.

Bending my strong willed knee at His feet.  Letting this be about HIM and not me.  Letting go of my ideas of how I think things need to look and when.  Being humble.  Being broken.  Being Weak.  Remembering that that is a good thing, in God's economy...

"No one likes to be called weak-- at least not in this 'survival of the fittest' world.  But in God's economy, weakness is a plus, a bonus, and grounds to boast.  In the spiritual realm, you can shout from the mountaintop or from the deepest valley for all to hear, 'I am weak!'"  --Catherine Martin

I find that very true (and she said, "no one likes it" so I am guessing you join me in that thought?)  It's still very hard.  It probably always will be.  Or maybe I'll finally get tired of falling on my face, and kneel willingly more often?  It won't be my strength that lets that happen though...

...strange concept...

Pam

Originally Published at You're Gonna Miss This, October 2, 2008