“…And then I’d say I know it’s tough when you break up after seven months, I know you really liked her, and it just don’t seem fair. All I can say it pain like that is fast and it’s rare.
Oh you got so much going for you, going right… but, I know at 17 it’s hard to see past Friday night…she wasn’t right for you, but still it hurts like there’s a knife, sticking out of your back, and you’re wondering if you’ll survive… you’ll make it through this and you’ll see…” ---Letter to Me, Brad Paisley
These words have been in my heart and mind these past 24 hours… I’ve been praying for my son as he works through the break up with his girlfriend. I’ve been praying that he learns, that he finds healing, rather than this make him more angry, or repeat his parent’s mistakes… Only God. Heal my son’s broken heart.
Another 2 hour delay of school this morning has brought with it extra time for me to be reading, praying, and processing things in my own journal. I sit amazed this morning at how God worked yesterday, our wedding anniversary date… or should I say, our un-anniversary date… don’t quite know what to call it… let’s call it a day that God used to bring more healing into my life. Yeah, that’s a good name.
Your love, prayers, and comments yesterday touched my heart. I am truly blessed to get to walk through these days surrounding by amazing people far and near.
The day began with my usual Monday breakfast date. My sister-in-law (HSSH’s brother’s wife) Judy, Kiahna and I. Somehow we ended up talking about HSSH and I, back in the dating years. For some reason she had never heard that part of the story. How completely jelly like he made me. How I couldn’t seem to muster a rational thought to save my life. How the people observing must have been completely frustrated with my choices. How oblivious I was to all of that.
In that conversation, at least two things occurred. One, I had a new heart of compassion as I remembered myself at 17, and the very real pain of break up and relationship. That resulted in more of a compassion and understanding for the feelings of my son later in the day. Second, I realized that HSSH no longer holds that kind of control over me. I don’t feel like I am in a place where I would crumble at the sight of him, like I would have, oh, say, maybe a year ago? Two years ago… most certainly 20 years ago.
The realization that the “stand” I take today for our marriage is not one of a emotional, dependent, have to have this or I’ll die attachment… but one coming from a more healthy, this is what God is asking of me, and I hold it, with an open hand, believing God can do all things…
Second, I had a phone conversation, for the first time, with my now real life friend Paula! I was able to talk freely about some of the grunge of the past few years… and I was able to walk away from it without doubting myself. In fact when I asked her if I had made her question my sanity knowing more of the details… she replied “the more impossible a situation looks, the more glory He receives”. Amen, sister. Thanks for the listening ear that I needed yesterday… and for standing with me.
Later in the evening, after my massage, after dinner, after still fighting a headache all day… I got a third chance to talk to a friend. She had no idea it was our anniversary, and “just happen” to call… with her I talked about how things are today…
In hindsight I see that God allowed three conversations, all directed towards different portions of my life. All to show me the big picture of where things actually are today. To help me deal with my son. To help me get through a potentially difficult day, with healing, with hope, and seeing how HE continues to bring beauty, life, and hope out of the ashes…
How incredibly Good He is.
In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.--Psalm 18:6, 16-19
Pam
Originally Published on You're Gonna Miss This, January 20, 2009
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2 comments:
Thank you for sharing. Thank you for your honesty. It brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. I pray that God continues to work in your lives. And thank you for the reminder that God is good no matter what we are going through. May He bless your faithfulness to His calling. Again, thank you for sharing.
My daughter is only eleven, but I dread those dating days down the road. I pray I will remember the right scriptures to comfort her and I as we need them.
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