Don’t Worry.

“I’m not worried.”

When I went to a counseling appointment on Thursday night and shared all of the things that had been going on for the past week, after commenting that he was surprised I still had hair, he told me I was worrying.  (I am sure that you all had already realized this too)

Me?

I thought, “no, this isn’t worry”

I am not sure what I thought it was.

Imbalance?

Stress?

My thoughts were...

It’s all HSSH’s fault anyway.  What does any of it matter?

I am stuck in this life, dealing with this man.  I can’t live because HE WILL come and wreck it up if I try.  He has every right to come in and exercise his “parenting time” any time he chooses.

And I am left to deal with it all.

I thought I could live.  I can’t.  HE won’t let me.  I thought I could move on, I can’t HE won’t let me. 

Worried?

No, I’m ticked.  This is crap.  I want out of this.  I want this to stop.

But, it won’t.  It don’t.  It isn’t.

He prayed for me to let go of the worry.

He caught on that I was worried about my life continuing like this forever. 

He told me that it wouldn’t be this way forever.

It’s hard to believe that.

He told me it’s not HSSH that is doing this to me.  It is the worry.  It is the devil’s plan to destroy the peace that God has given me.  HSSH doesn’t have that kind of power.

I can see that.

I still don’t know how to live this out though.

I don’t know how to deal with the disturbance HSSH creates and not let it do this to me.

Friday morning I was reading through some notes I took at the Beth Moore conference we went to in August.

She used the parable of the sower in Luke 8 as her text.  She was on the part about the seed that was choked out by the weeds.  She used the term, “Stop the choke”.

Oh yeah, I am feeling the choke.

And low and behold, would you believe, she said that the choke is WORRY? Darn…. he was right… this is worry…

Here are the notes I took…

• Anxiety chokes the Word right out of us.
• Exactly the time we need God most, we feel Him the least because we’re worrying this thing so much we’re choking the Word out of us.
• How do we get that choke hold off of us?
• Philippians 4:6..."Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God"
• Anytime we are all anxiety ridden our feeling is loss of control (hummm...)
• Speak truth over it.
• Warriors not worriers.
• Everytime we show and anxious spirit we show the enemy we're not trusting God with it.
• Immaturiity says I insist on life feeling good. 
• This is a trap for a life of bondage and addiction.
• He'll use your pain to birth your passion
• You will not lack on Spriritual gift that you need to fulfill your destiny.
• All that will matter when we're done here is that life mattered.
• Testify that Gods' Word heals and restores, make the devil wish that he hadn't messed with you!
• You don't have to live in hysteria and chaos. 
• Let HIM change your day.

Yesterday, I just kept praying, processing, and working through all of this.  I feel very weak, vulnerable, and I still don't know how all this works.  How I "live" and don't go insane with worry every other weekend.

But, I am speaking HIS WORD over it all...  This is one of the books of promises I have written down to read and re-read...

This is the promise that came to my mind this morning...

Psalm 71:20-24...

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
       you will restore my life again;
       from the depths of the earth
       you will again bring me up.

You will increase my honor
       and comfort me once again.

I will praise you with the harp
       for your faithfulness, O my God;
       I will sing praise to you with the lyre,
       O Holy One of Israel.

My lips will shout for joy
       when I sing praise to you—
       I, whom you have redeemed.

My tongue will tell of your righteous acts
       all day long,
       for those who wanted to harm me
       have been put to shame and confusion

My counselor said that there was determination on my face when I left… we will see…

Pam

Originally Published at You're Gonna Miss This, September 6, 2008