I Just realized God is answering a prayer.

I also just realized that I am not real happy with “how” things are being played out, as God answers the prayer! 

Can I laugh at myself?

Sorta?

For almost the whole time HSSH has been gone, I have been telling him that he needed to be the one that made the effort with the kids.  He needed to be the one that came and was a part of their busy lives, not expecting them to be a part of his “new” life (90 miles away from them)

This morning I realized something.  In the past week, HSSH has suddenly started making more effort than he has made in over 3 years with his kids.

That is an answer to prayer.  That is God.

So, why do I find myself feeling angry and upset by it?

Is it because it doesn’t look quite like I had imagined it would?

Is it because instead of embracing me and saying “you were right about this, Pam”.  He appears to be even angrier at me than ever.  (maybe because he hates that I was right?)

I am not finding the satisfaction in being right about this that I wanted to find.

Instead I am finding the pain of rejection.  Rejection of me.  As he embraces our kids.  I find it hard to handle.

I know it is right that he does this.  I know it is God’s Hand that is allowing this. Help me Jesus to not grow bitter.  Please Help Me Jesus to deal with the jealous feelings I have.

Maybe part of me got real comfortable with the “new normal” we were living.  And change is hard again?  Him living his life and us living ours was so much simpler.  Not that it was right.

The news is that HSSH has told the kids he will be coming to Zach’s game tonight at 5:30.

You know we need your prayers.

God Help Me to Keep Praying Your Will and Not Mine.  Help me to Walk Out Your Will…

I shared something I read yesterday on my blog Standing too.

Thank you.

Pam